'' #InFiNiT[y] is nothing *

Friday, August 04, 2006

okay so i haven't posted for quite some time. there's just so much work all piling in suddenly, and all the teachers are like plotting to kill us or smth. what's with everything due after the 5 day break and all the stupid SAs and what nots.

so i'm gonna fail my physics. so what. i'm not taking it next year anyway. it pisses me off. especially the stupid SPA graph-plotting shit. i bet i was the only one in the class who drew a wobbly line lah. wth. i'm SUCH a loser. gawd.

peiying, i know you don't like to be told not to be sad and stuff especially after all you've gone through, but i really don't know what to say and it seriously hurts me to see you looking so down and like you're about to cry anytime. and i know that it was really being veryvery insensitive of me to say that you were being annoying by looking so solemn all the time and having such a depressing point of view of looking at stuff that others would consider quite normal (like during philo? about the people being thrown off the ship? and you said "let them die lah. everyone has to die in the end anyway."). i was really kinda pissed at the way you were viewing things and i didn't exactly consider what you'd think if i told you you were being annoying by saying those stuff. and i suppose it was mainly because i wanted you to just get over with the whole incident and put it behind you because i do care about you and i'm sure that's what your grandfather would have wanted too. serious. and no, i don't want you to be prancey and happy because i know that's really hard for you right now, and you're through a really hard time now.

and i'm really, really sorry. please forgive me. ):
and i love you so much peiying. please know that i care about you, and everyo donne does, because we all love you. <33

if you need some time to cool off and you really don't want to be around me anymore, or if you find that there's no way you can ever stand me anymore after whatever i just said to you, please let me know, and i'll stay awngay. but no matter what, i'll always love you.

peiying, i miss you.

<<*//I achieved infinity today #*>>

<<*//infinity#>> rememberedd att` 12:21 AM

Sunday, July 23, 2006

sometimes i really can't stand him. seriously. he drives me completely insane and makes me cranky and gritty and grossly pissed.

but he IS my father after all. >.<

oh god. why. and sometimes i honestly feel like going up there and slapping him and yelling some profanities to his face and telling him to !@#$ shut up with all his nonsense and just leave me alone. i guess this is just some rebellious teenage angsty stage isn't it? i hope it is. because despite all this pms-ey feelings and confused anger i know inside that i DO still love him and i always will. because he's my father.

i just hope he'll change his ways and stop being like he is now. because sometimes i really feel that he's not fit to be my father, my brother's father, and my mother's husband. that is seriously a very bad thing to feel because it seems to be closely related to hate. and i don't want to hate my father. he doesn't ever seem to be concerned about us anymore and after what i found inside the cupboard i still can't forget it. it's not something easy to forget, seriously. he's changed. either that or he's always been like that except i've never realised, and only when i get to this weird teenage phase where everything seems to become ultra-sensitive to me and i get mood swings so terribly often, that i see what i do about him now.

why is my mind so bloody messed up all of a sudden. sometimes i ask myself is there even a point of continueuing this absolutely meaningless torture they call 'life'. then i read those newpaper or magazine articles (that i'm so grateful for) that tell us touching stories of how people with severe depression recover on ample medication and realise that there are people around them DO love them and are glad that they weren't too late in saving themselves from the wrath of depression blah blah blah.

but are there people who love me?

confused, angry, angsty, pms-ey, pissed, frustrated, cranky, tired, suicide-ish. how can i continue with my life like that. honestly.

<<*//I achieved infinity today #*>>

<<*//infinity#>> rememberedd att` 7:08 PM

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

peiying i'm sorry if what i commented on your lj like ruined the image of your lj or smth, seriously. i mean, not like you blamed me, but i was just plain pissed. i'm sorry. i mean it. and if you want to delete the comment, please do. just don't get angry at me. i'm sick and tired of my shitty life enough as it is.

i have A LOT of vulgarities i desperately want to let out of my mouth. but blogs are dangerous. and i don't want to offend anybody. unless the person insulted me first, which bloody is the case this time. and if you dont' want to read any of the ranting below, then leave. now.
peiying this is somewhat what i commented on your lj.

first of all, i don't hate you. no, i don't hate you. even if you don't give a damn about who i am, and that i even bloody exist in this whole effing universe. i know you hate me, and don't worry, you don't have to beat about the bush in your blog. just bloody say the names. like you said, gossip behind your back and we die. this is free for you to read, isn't it? and don't worry, i won't hug you. you can go CHOOSE who you want to hug, like some big shot star choosing whose fans' hands she wants to shake. go ahead. i'm not good enough for you. you got the point through to me a long time ago.

and no, i don't hate you.

there's really nothing i can do if you want to hate me though.

and i'm SICK of this. sick of you, you and you. three of you stop making my life so effing miserable. STOP IT. JUST BLOODY STOP IT.

i change my mind. someone give me a rusty penknife. now. then maybe some people will be happy. happy that i don't exist anymore. not like they even cared in the first place.

pinching is good. it makes me feel better. and the bruises left are marks of my pain. better out than in, anyway.

<<*//I achieved infinity today #*>>

<<*//infinity#>> rememberedd att` 5:43 PM

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

okay i don't know what stupid random reason made me stay back on fried food day during recess to blog. i suppose it's just that peiying is seriously depressed over some personal matter and i admit, that if it were me, i'd be feeling ): too. so i've dedicated a little message to her...

peiying don't let it get you down. and since you're so devoted to your religion, why don't you think of it as God thinks it's time for him to go to a better place? i really don't know what to say about this because honestly, this has never happened to me before, but i can only tell you that depression is really bad for your health. so pull yourself together and BE STRONG. we love you peiying! <33

yes, we love you. we all do.

after what you told me about you-know-who, i just can't seem to let go of that matter. what the hell gives her the right so say that?

YOU'RE NOT OUR MOTHER.

SO FREAKING SHUT UP.
honestly.
you are NOT the most fantastic person on earth either.
so if you think that way, TOO BAD.

and for goodness sake, STOP IT.
STOP WITH YOU AND YOUR MATURE SHIT.
i know you've never really given a damn about my existance before and all the what with all the freedom of speech shit so i have as much a right to say this as you have to say what you did. so you won't give a damn about what i'm writing either.

i like pain. the pain inside is better expressed physically. the only outlet is causing pain physically to STOP the bloody emotional pain. why is my life so bloody shitty. i hate myself and i hate the world.

someone give me a penknife for my birthday.

i can't write a lame joke now. seriously. maybe next day.

PISSED.

<<*//I achieved infinity today #*>>

<<*//infinity#>> rememberedd att` 7:14 PM

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

BOO. I'm back and I think a lot of people (e.g. tan juanmin who called my blog 'gross' just because I haven't posted for a long time) will be glad that my blog has finally showed some sign of life after being in a coma for eons. So. Somethingood. I have no idea how sucky or fantastic or otherwise it will turn out on the 18th and 21st of June. But all I can do now is hope that it won't turn out screwed. Sigh. Especially after all the extremely not-needed backstabbing and such among our batch. And Peiying if you're reading this, stop being so sensitive about everything around you when it doesn't even concern you. It's not even your problem! So why are you getting all worked up like that? Sometimes you really confuse me. I shall get you to read this as soon as I see you online. And stop using all the cheem and profound vocab in your blog. It's getting me muddled. Especially all the 'A' and 'B' things because my comprehension is so slow that I am currently still trying to figure out what kind of scenario you're talking about. I shall attempt to copy your scenario way of writing and write my own scenario! Whee! x))
Um. A and B and C and D and E should all love one another. (: See? That's the world's most practical scenario. Unfortunately it doesn't come off as the most common one. Sigh.
Okay. So lala and lili told me that they don't like lolo. Gahh how I ever come up with such spasticated names I will never know. And um. I like lala and lili and lolo. (hoho how fun) So I don't get influenced and I remain to like them all! (: Peiying ah you should do that too! (:
Okay down to other stuff. This is really stupid. I'm like procrastinating all my work and hoping everyday that someone would burn RGS down. Okay I didn't mean that. I just meant I hate homework but my expression was a little too hostile for that. And I'm dreading the darned maths restest that's looming closer and closer everyday, and haunting my otherwise-would-be sweet dreams. GRAAH. But who can blame me for imagining such horrors when you get 1.6 for your maths mid-year GPA? Why am I such a loser? YES WHY. >.<
Oh great. Now that I want to finish this off, I forget what colour I should make the words and I go to my blog to check it out. Awright that was quite random. AND to top all the good news I realise that the nice bouncy thing on the floor that I have been repeatedly stepping on because the texture was so unique is a dead beetle. Probably killed by me as well.
!@#$%&*!@#$%&*!@#$%&*!@##$%&*!@#$%&*
I suck, I know.
Sigh. I'm really in no mood for a lame joke but I feel so compelled to write one because all my anticipating readers *GRIIIIIIIINS REEEEEEALLY REEEEEALLY WIDELY* all love them! x))))))))) Whee this is so fun. (:
Lucy: Mum, the art-and-craft teacher doesn't like what I'm making.
Mother: Oh? What are you making that he doesn't like, then?
Lucy: Mistakes.
:DD

<<*//I achieved infinity today #*>>

<<*//infinity#>> rememberedd att` 11:19 PM

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Finally I'm getting down to an update in my blog. That's probably because of the fact that I sort of "promised" myself that I would today in school. Anyway it's too late to blog anything about my birthday and stuff. So I shall blog on more recent stuff.
So. Today was the first day of being a sec 2 in school. Feels odd. I don't think I'm made to be a senior. I think the sec 1s will shake and bury their heads in their hands and moan, "noo... nooo... no..." if they ever find out they've got me as a senior. Sigh. OOH! CHOIR JUNIORS! YEAA! That one I'm looking forward to. X)) Personally I feel like asking the sec 1s to run from this school before they die under the piles of homework and pressure and workload. I could swear the sec 1s get smaller every year. Year before last when I came for open house the sec 1s (now sec 4s) were huge. Then last year they were the same size as me. Now they're, well, small. Actually not really... I think it's just that I got bigger. Yea that would probably explain it.
Gui Qi and Pei Ying are sitting beside me. And behind me if I'm not wrong are Wen Ting, Ziyi and Madeline. I hope I got their names right. :)) This is a really sucky feeling. To have your chinese teacher as your form teacher. And half the time when chinese gets spoken to you, you have a hunch that they're trying to be funny and talking some gibberish. And disaster. MY CLE TEACHER (which, in other words, is something like the vice-form) IS MRS TAY YORK LAN. That (quoting Juan) "Bad-Hair Tay". And by some means of suey-ness, I HAPPENED TO BE PICKED AS THE TEMPORARY VICE-CLASS-CHAIR. That is a very sucky thing to have been picked as because if for some reason someone puts thumbtacks on the teacher's chair then the class-chair and I will have to claim full responsibility. (that's just an example, don't worry) Fortunately, it's only TEMPORARY. Because if it isn't, I think I might punch someone. I don't like to think of it because just the thought itself gives me a strong desire to kick something. Really missing peeps like Wei, Resh, Kimmy, Debby and yea... the lot.
Bored to tears today by two hours of sitting in the sweltering hot gym and listening to some amazingly MUNDANE talks. I've just realised how much time I've wasted just typing out this fantastically LONG entry so I'll just stop here before anymore rubbish erupt.
So here's the lame joke of today.
Qn: Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Ans: Because he had nobody to dance with.
Uh...-.-"

<<*//I achieved infinity today #*>>

<<*//infinity#>> rememberedd att` 1:40 AM

Monday, November 07, 2005

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY ENTIRE ENTRY WAS DESTROYED! AND IT WAS SUPER LONG. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. >=(((((
Anyway, my birthday is just two days away! YAY! But everybody seems to be telling me things like "plus-minus one, 'cause I dunno if I can come or not...". But if I plus-minus one or two for everybody, then it'll become plus-minus ten or twenty already! Sigh. But come to think of it, it's going to be really fun. Really. Plus the bbq at night... wow. X)) Now I've got an assortment of people from everywhere coming. (hmm i make them sound like cookies X)))
Yesterday was TERRIBLE. I can't think of a day worse than yesterday. Firstly, Jie Jie was supposed to fly home yesterday, but because of some problems (as expected), she was stuck in the terminal and couldn't get onto the plane. I shall not name the place in case of any of those 'racist blogger' things. It's not that I'm being racist you know. *smiles a innocent little toothy smile*
Secondly, our house almost BURNT DOWN. I had Drama Nite last night and couldn't go fetch Jie Jie from the airport even IF she could get here, and Drama Nite was very long. So papa, mummy and koko waited to fetch me home. When we got home, and we (me, mummy and koko cuz papa was still at the car) stepped into the lift at B1, I said,"Ey, smells like somebody brought their burnt barbecue stuff into the lift." Koko said "ya". Then when we stepped out of the lift at our floor, I exclaimed,"Wah! The smell here is even stronger!" Then when we opened the door, we suddenly realised that the smell was being emitted from OUR HOUSE. We quickly rushed to open all the windows and switched on all the fans to get rid of the putrid smell. We found out that papa had forgotten to switch off the fire when they left! The curry chicken that was "cooking" was burnt to a crisp, though we didn't open up to check the state of the contents. *shudders* Actually me and koko wanted to, but the cover was stuck fast to the pot by some black gooey carbon substance that was oozing out. We threw the pot away. DUHh. The whole house stank of the burning smell. And the marble flooring and parquet flooring was terribly oily after the entire ordeal. In fact, the WHOLE HOUSE was oily and sticky. BLEAH. Mummy and papa had a terrible time cleaning up. Now, the house still smells and the floor's still sticky. Sigh.
Wasn't yesterday the WORST DAY ever??
Anyway, to brighten up the mood and add a touch of laughter to the sadness, I present you with... THE LAME JOKE OF TODAY!
Life is dangerous. It kills you in the end.
No, seriously, I thought that was pretty witty. Ego. X))

<<*//I achieved infinity today #*>>

<<*//infinity#>> rememberedd att` 10:19 PM